Each new day the sun’s fist opens with an invitation,
and I ask,
shut it out,
or embrace it?
Do I stay inside, or…
hurry half dressed and barefoot into the garden!
Forsythias dropping their yellow flowers, green leaves appearing,
Vibrant red and pink azaleas,
on sturdy stems, boldly showing their delicate flowers.
The white lilac bursting forth,
with it’s sweet fragrance.
I Breathe, looking up at a clear blue sky,
with open hands in gratitude and a happy heart,
ready for the day ahead.
14 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 9
“Facing the Fear”
My biggest challenge in the last year was facing the fear of my having cancer. I was looking cancer in the face. Thoughts were racing. I’d noticed bleeding. I’ve been postmenopausal for five (5) years now. I remembered being told by my mother that if I ever noticed unusual bleeding to be checked by my doctor. Now the question was, ” Doctor, what doctor?” I’d had the same doctor for many years, yet questions lurked: “Who would be my doctor now? From whom would I receive treatment? Stress, I have MS. Pain, I have chronic pain, and from more than having MS. Sometimes, to learn where the pain is originating and what to do about it, we have to realize we are more than an illness we’ve been diagnosed with. Reality check: In my life, I was facing even another.
Insurance, what insurance? Obamacare, who in our system is it who was really caring? I no longer had the insurance I’d had for many years. I was no longer working. I no longer had COBRA. I’d already applied for Disability. I had been in an appeal process. I did not yet qualify for Medicare. Medicaid, which program, the authorities that be figuring out for which I qualified?
What doctors? Where? My medical team was in need of coming together.
New travels. First stop, Family Health Center at White Plains Hospital. Second stop, the White Plains Hospital ER. Tests ordered: Blood Test, CAT Scan, Ultra Sound. Upon discharge being told to follow up with my own doctor. Informing the nurse with the discharge instructions, “After all these years of seeing a gynecology specialist, I didn’t have insurance my specialist accepted.” Thinking aloud: Really, really now, and this is the system here in the USA, in NY, in Westchester County? Third Stop: The Greenburgh Health Center – Another examination and recommendation. Fourth Stop: White Plains Hospital Radiology for the hysterosonogram which had been recommend.
All the uncertainty, the stress of the uncertainty. Anxiety, Depression you had a deeper hold on me. Time, precious time, having to take the extra steps, to getting necessary treatment. What feels like an eternity. Days, leading to weeks, and weeks leading to a few months. MY AFFIRMATION: ” I CAN OVERCOME FEAR!”
I OVERCAME THE FEAR!!! Fifth Stop: Advanced OB/GYN Associates at Westchester Medical Center.
My medical team had been brought together…
My doctors were the best!
Excellent! Knowledgeble! Understanding! Caring!
Willing to listen to me!
I had a D & C, and then a Hysterectomy!
With gratitude, I thank Dr. Tarah Pua and her team, for giving me another chance at life.
Sixth Stop: Westchester Medical Center and the Radiation Medicine Team…
When I met Dr. Chitti Moorthy, little did I know what lie ahead of me. I’d never heard of brachytherapy, a type of radiation therapy. With his expertise and guidance, and a caring staff attending to me all of whom I’m grateful to, I’d take a gulp of air, a deep breath, tell my body to relax, and meditate (which I reflect on and look at as sacred time given to me).
Seventh Stop: Home, Recovering, Moving On, and Living Life ~ with love and gratitude to my family and friends who have been with me, each of you know who you are, totally supportive and sharing your love. Now it’s time for me, with faith in G-d above, to inspire and share with others.
Endometrial Cancer – American Cancer Society
Is there some fear you have, or have experienced, maybe overcame, or would like to overcome? If you’d like, you are welcome to share it with me.
14-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 8
“My Biggest Success in the Last Year”
Over the last year, my biggest success has been in the design and development of my websites. I began my first website, andreahorowitz.com, because I wanted to share poetry and narratives about Survivorship, about Multiple Sclerosis, about Endometrial Cancer, about having become a patient after years of being the primary caregiver in my family, and my husband and I having become carepartners.
With belief in the importance of exercising my brain, and cognitive skills (encouraged by my neuroligists), I want to share information, hope, encouragement and inspiration through poetry, narratives, and in advocacy.
With a passion for creating fiber art, I also wanted a website where I could share about knitting, crochet, beading, and quilting, which led me to creating andreasherrycreations.com .
I also believed it would be fun to share about the place we call home, Horowitz Hacienda in the Pines, and write about the beautiful nature in which we’re blessed to be surrounded. We creatively engage in play based art and fun activities with my sister, Francine, and all of us have loads of fun with Sadie, our Shitzu mix.
I’m proud to have accomplished bringing these websites live and to have started blogging.
With encouragement for you to share and letting you know that I am interested in hearing from you, what is your biggest success in the last year?
14-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 7
“What My Favorite Book or Movie Is, and Why”
Nature is one of the things with which I love connecting. I’ve enjoyed learning and each year find more to learn about the birds which live in our area. Each year I pay attention to their migration patterns.
At Horowitz Hacienda in the Pines there are birdhouses hanging on trees, the fence, shepherds hooks, and pergola. In the garden, we also sometimes paint birdhouses for some of the birds to nest. Birdbaths and feeders have also been placed. There’s a satisfying feeling in caring for and feeding the birds. Each day is beautiful waking to the sounds of the birds. Mourning doves cooing. Wrens and Chick-a-dees chirping a beautiful melody. 
Afternoons, relaxing on the porch, sipping iced tea or lemonade. I watch for the birds in flight, while glancing through and reading one of my favorite books.
Sharing in this 14-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 7, one of my favorite book is “Birds in Your Backyard: A Birdlovers Guide to Creating a Garden Sanctuary” by Robert Dolezal. For bird enthusiasts (or would be bird enthusiasts) it is a comprehensive guide, richly illustrated, and provides food for thought on planning and planting with the rewarding experience of enhancing a yard into becoming garden sanctuary. There’s lots of information about identifying birds, their markings, how they behave, and what foods they like best. At feeding time, it’s a magnificent sight watching the birds eat. Sometimes I’ll photograph their activity. The spectacular goldfinch fluttering to and from the thistle feeder. Various species of birds favoring certain feeder foods. Some eat from feeders, some even from the ground. 
It’s always a sight watching the squirrels go after the bird food and hang off the feeders,too. I make sure there is food for them at the ground to try to keep them from the feeders. “A little something for everyone!” 
The birds at play in the birdbath and shaking off the water, or taking a sandbath are lively. They like both and they can be quite amusing.
Approaching dusk, the magnificent male cardinal in the euonymous tree. Singing his song, the last I hear, in our garden sanctuary, to say goodnight.
I’d also love to know: What is your favorite book or movie, and why?
In the activities of the day, I might have drifted to a place –
Oh – how – wonderful,
Spring you have arrived,
Seems more nearly than in actuality,
Still a white blanket covers earth,
When the air is crisp,
And smells fresh and clear,
April snowdrops peeking through,
Awakening to this new spring season,
of a nose taking in the fragrant
flowers, and freshly mowed grass.
Arriving home today, first day of spring 2015,
after a routine scheduled doctor’s appointment,
looking at the winter landscape,
with feelings of being in awe,
having snowfall on the first day of Spring 2015.
Wondering of the miracles to be seen beneath the blanket of snow.
Yesterday, a landscape having just begun to show,
the signs of springtime’s shining green foliage,
beginning to appear.
Fully absorbed, enjoying the last day of winter,
the bright rays of sunshine,
a day comfortable and safe for strolling outside,
walking, with eager anticipation of more days like this to come.
My vision,
looking toward the vibrant,
beautiful blossoming,
of the red and pink flowering azaelea.
http://www.slate.com/bigideas/why-do-we-feel-awe/essays-and-opinions/dacher-keltner-opinion
Looking,
out windows,
of the house.
Many feet of snow,
above the bumper of the blue car enveloped,
looking like a softly white puffy cotton cloud.
Outline of pottery,
frogs,
barely showing through.
Earthen color,
reminder,
of warmer days.
Foliage of Blue Holly,
and Climbing English Ivy,
eaten by a family of hungry deer.
Icicles hanging from the roof,
a skating rink,
at the bottom of the stairs.
A time for being,
inside,
enjoying winter’s hibernation.
Furry dog,
who snuggles,
licks my face.
Taps me,
to tell me,
let her out.
Will soon be,
glad to have,
her coat of fur removed.
Slinky soft cat,
who sits atop,
a pillow near my head.
Nuzzling,
for me to scratch,
behind her ears.
Arousing me,
to get up,
and let her out the door.
Sometimes, too,
hiding,
shadow in the room.
Waiting,
to spring forth,
upon the unsuspecting sadie dog.
The two of you having become good friends,
sitting side by side, and kissing,
makes us smile.
Creating art,
and time to explore,
the artist in me.
Daily meditation,
conversations,
and feeling love,
of family and friends.
What is such a mystery, Mother Earth,
underneath,
the mounds of snow.
The colors of the tree bark,
changing during winter’s season,
colors of sap appearing to flow.
Buds on trees,
i’ve seen,
a swelling.
Autumn leaves,
blanketing,
the flower beds.
Snowdrops, Crocus, and Hyacinths
will be the very firsts,
we see of spring.
A Personal Essay on Suicide – “The Children, They Don’t Get It – The News.”
A friend of mine wrote to me today. He and his family are vacationing in a one room boathouse on a lake. He shared that earlier this summer he and his wife told their children it was important to get to know this man, Robin Williams, who the children had not yet seen. During July their family movie to watch was “Awakenings”. They brought “Dead Poet’s Society” with them on vacation to look at. He wrote “The children, they don’t get it – the news.”
When I read what he wrote to me I thought:
“WHAT-THE-NEWS-DOES-TO – The News”
Hearing of Robin Williams death, his passing from suicide, leaves me feeling wounded deeply and opened once again a very deep wound which has never healed. This wound isn’t supposed to heal. I wouldn’t want it to heal. It makes me remember. It’s a wound that one must learn to live with, that one must ride through the storm and terror of grief.
I know, I have ridden through this storm and terror of grief. I live with a cut, a tear, wounded and scarred. You see, our nephew also died, having committed suicide. He suffered with and battled depression. He was very young when his father passed from Hodgkin’s disease. It was shared with us that it was as though Brian’s light went out when his father passed. We, family, friends, did our best to add light, bring out the bright and brilliant sparks from the beautiful flame which we could sometimes see aglow within him. Yet, his personal pain went deep to his core.
Robin Williams was not well, he was ill, he had an illness, psychiatric illness, mental illness (which of the two sounds less stigmatizing or not stigmatizing at all?), a symptom of which is depression, of which he was battling. We’ve learned he was also diagnosed with and in early stages of Parkinson’s. He was suffering with chronic illness. In desperation, he made a decision, a choice to end his life. His depression became so deep that he was unable to see that the sun of a new morning would again arise after what was the darkest of nights for him.
For any family left behind it is devastating. We are the survivors. We, as survivors, deserve compassion. Robin Williams’s family is no exception to this. They are survivors, the ones with a new fresh wound, one which will never quite heal. One which has changed their lives forever, one which hopefully they will learn to live with, albeit difficult and challenging.
I think of my nephew Brian Horowitz every day. Amongst fond memories are those brought back when I see Legos and LEGOLAND, books such as The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame, and J.J.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit: or There and Back Again, and Narnia. These were just a few of Brian’s favorites. Rest in Peace, Brian.
My sister-in-law, Diane, you have my love. I am forever grateful you brought this sweet soul into this world and gave me the opportunity of knowing Brian. For this I will feel forever blessed.
In memory of Robin Williams, I will be revisiting and watching Robin Williams phenomenally portraying characters in film, and “Mrs. Doughtfire” is one frequently seen with my sister Francine.
RIP, Robin Williams.
May Robin Williams’s family be surrounded with love and light, compassion, caring and support of family and friends. May they be embraced by our love, all of us who loved and appreciated their beloved.
I send my love and my compassion to his family.
To everyone reading this, you are not alone, there is always someone to reach out to. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts please seek help.
You can call: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
You can get through it. You matter. You make a difference.
I am one week out from surgery and feeling great. This doesn’t mean that I’m going out dancing or doing acrobatics, lol, it means I feel as though I’m having a good recovery and I feel blessed. That fist night after surgery surely is the hardest. The pain is so grueling, the details need not be described, any post surgical patient knows what I’m talking about. I’d had surgery before, as an in-patient, fifty years earlier, and I knew I would tough this first night out, this body having grown and weathered many seasons. After I woke up from surgery, I remember seeing Norman (my husband) and a good lifelong family friend of ours who was keeping him company. I remember speaking with my sister and another good lifelong family friend of ours who was staying with Francine and caring for her. My husband stayed through the evening to see to it that I was comfortable and that I had what I needed, which was mostly apple juice and water. I was heavily medicated. I sent him home to get some rest. How does one find a comfortable position during that first night, so many things have changed, a mattress that keeps pumping and changing position, and leg pumps to help with circulation. My left and right legs feeling so different from the Multiple Sclerosis, and this heightened sensation of numbness and heaviness in my right leg with the changing pressure of the pumping. Nurses taking the time to find what would work, and using pillows, and rolling blankets, bringing extra pillows and blankets, to cushion around my body, head and neck, stomach, waist, back, hips, legs, to help me lean into my side and give me cushioned support, comforting me after the Hysterectomy and with my symptoms from MS. There truly is something very special about those in whose care we are during that time. I am so grateful for the comfort brought to me during all those hours.
